i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
