I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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