I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
