I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
