i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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