Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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