getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I AM VODKA MAN
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
