I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
