Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
