Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
