It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
