Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
