Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize