Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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