Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
