My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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