before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
