pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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