umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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