do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
