if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
