your parents love me but you hate me
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
