I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
