you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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