well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
