i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
