Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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