paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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