I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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