its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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