my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
