I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
