Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize