im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
