We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
