Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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