my mouth tastes like poor choices
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
