That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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