I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
