You're my little dorito
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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