I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
