I hate all girls vehemently.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize