hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
