How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
