What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
