He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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