so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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