Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
where are my eyebrows?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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