is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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