i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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