you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize