Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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