im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
