Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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