just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
