I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
