OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
