I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
