I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
