I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
