i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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