laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize