'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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