I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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