Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
