He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize